exit gate on the left

I think I can't ever end my life (not even when I want to), I always push myself to keep living this life. Yes, ' this'  life, it's not mine anymore, but theirs. Because.. I can't ever imagine my mother pouring water all over my body, giving me one last bath, thinking how she used to do this when I was a child. I can't ever imagine my brother going to the printing shop, choosing my prettiest photo that will be printed on the prayer book. I can't ever imagine my other brother going to the state office to remove my name from the family card, and receiving a paper with "death certificate" written on in. I can't ever imagine my friends rushing to the hospital after being listed as my emergency contact, only to come home and tidy up all my belongings. From the room that we once shared, where we ate together, cried together, and laughed together. Picking their photos from my wall, while breathing the air that still carries my scent.  I don't thin...